The Playoffs: The Golden Globes

1/20/02: The ceremony is nigh: we cover it in real time
(see our
staffers' predictions!)
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1/14/02: The Golden Globes will be on 7 pm DDT (Daily Digest Time, check your local listings) on NBC (check for local times), and there's red carpet coverage starting an hour earlier on NBC and, oh, let's say, five days earlier on E!. (Seriously.)

The Globes are fun because the ceremony's a dinner--you get all the celebs from one movie boozing it up at one table--and while the Globes are often a precursor to who'll win the Oscar, they're also just as wildly divergent a chance to reward people who won't. (Jim Carrey, anyone?)

So, for starters, we predict that Russell Crowe will show up and be less dour than he was this time last year, now that he has neither wannabe kidnappers nor Steve Martin on his ass (and if it's true that he and Jennifer Connelly have hooked up, look out for the Beautiful Mind table to be a very interesting place indeed). Nicole Kidman has said that she did rearrange her Dogville filming schedule and will be able to show up, and you had better believe she will put on her best f--- - you dress for the benefit of Tom 'n' Penelope watching at home. Cate Blanchett, already showing up at awards dinners--what, a month after the baby?--will also wear something fabulous, while the rest of her Lord of the Rings castmates desperately try to differentiate their various penguin suits with ill-advised personal touches (ah, men). David Lynch will definitely still be sporting that trademark Eraserhead shock of hair, and Ridley Scott will look gamely dour.

On with the show,
mes amis.

Page 1: Read our red carpet snarkiness.
Page 2: The show begins.
This page: The show is STILL ON...
See how our predictions held up against the actual awards
Reader Trink says, of Lord of the Rings, "Best Picture is my fervent hope... Certainly deserving, along with best director!!"

So what do you think? Talk back on our message board, or
email us with your thoughts.

8:30 pm. Gosford Park's Ryan Philippe presents the clip for The Man Who Wasn't There... Cameron Diaz and Mike Myers come out, shaved bald for Austin Powers 3, to thank "the seat fillers," who turn out to be...their characters from Shrek. Their "badly scriped award show banter," as they call it, makes Cleo wish she was as drunk as everyone on this show seems to be. (Although Myers mugging and mouthing to the audience makes it go down a little more easily.) They're there to present Best Song...Yeah, Moulin Rouge. Good luck, everyone else.

OH MY GOD! AN UPSET WIN BY STING FOR--KATE AND LEOPOLD?!

8:45. Best supporting actor, television. It goes to Stanley Tucci, Conspiracy Theory...wow, the gloves of predictability are comin' off now, my friends. (He says, "When God wants to punish you, he answers your prayers." Do...what? "It's PUCK!" shouts A.D., who apparently enjoyed Tucci's performance in A Midsummer Night's Dream. "Puck, I love you!!")

Best drama, television:
Uh, wouldn't have said this an hour ago, but we think Alias will take it, if Jennifer Garner just won. The Globes have a history of championing newer, off-beat shows--witness The X-Files' best drama win back in the day. Although Six Feet Under also has the Rachel Griffiths win going for it... And it goes to--Six Feet Under, shock of shocks (no, we're being serious), beating out the Sopranos. (It's worth noting that the writer-creator of the show won the screenplay Oscar for American Beauty.)

WHERE ARE THE MOVIE AWARDS???


9:00. Oh, Lord... Ben Affleck's here to give out the Cecil B. DeMille award to Harrison Ford. As great as Ford is--he's permanently installed as the sun in Fametracker's Galaxy of Fame--Cleo is gonna go grab a long-delayed dinner.

Okay, we're back. They're
still showing clips. ("I haven't heard of half of these movies!" exclaims young A.D.) The clips play strangely in retrospect--especially the "Six Days, Seven Nights" clip, now that Anne Heche is married to a man...

Yeah, baby! They've gone back and shown a quick montage of Great Harrison Ford moments what we feared the longer, quieter clips had left out--"I hate snakes, Jacques! I HATE SNAKES!" "I'm sorry, Mr. President--I don't dance." "GET OFF MY PLANE!!"

"My luck is holding," he says, shakily accepting. "I'm nominated in a category in which my competition is dead." He adds, he wrote two speeches, a long and short, so he'll give us the short: "Thank you." But maybe there's time for the long speech: "Thank you very much."

God bless him, if he'd walked off the stage at that precise moment, he would have gone down in awards show history. Alas, he keeps talking. But then, he's earned it.

9:12. Ralph Fiennes! Yay! "My agent said that if I didn't smile...he would kick my ass." Hee hee hee hee.

Oh Lord--Best Director. Here we go, people. Digest said Peter Jackson would win (big applause for him--but bigger for Baz Luhrmann). And it goes to.... Robert Altman!

Oh, Lord. Now we're right back where we started--while Altman, who's been getting several awards for the lower-profile Gosford Park, is now a
strong contender for a runaway Best Director Oscar that might be separate from the Best Picture, but--damn, the awards season is even murkier than when we started.

(Quick commercial break editorial: Is there any reason we NEED to put the camera between Gisele's breasts in the Victoria's Secret commercial?)

9:25. Kevin Spacey comes out to present Best Picture, Musical/Comedy. He stops to ask for a moment for the late Ted Demme (who directed Spacey and winner Judy Davis in The Ref), an impulse we gladly second. As for the nominees--Gosford Park's stock just went up, but Moulin Rouge, we feel, is still the front runner. (And there's winner Jim Broadbent as the redheaded ringmaster.) The winner? "MOULIN ROUUUUUGE!" bellows Spacey. Baz Luhrmann (also...Australian) gets up to accept, thanking "the entire nation of Australia, who was actually in the film, which is why we did so well at the box office over there..." Also, nice shout-outs to Nicole and Ewan.

9:30. Tom Hanks comes out to present Best Actress, Drama. Nicole Kidman's up again (for The Others), but Sissy Spacek's gonna take this one. (Poor Tilda Swinton--Cleo loves her.) And it goes to Spacek for In the Bedroom: finally, a pleasantly predictable win.

9:40. Kate Winslet comes out to present the Lord of the Rings clip. LOTR partisan Cleo is starting to get a deeply sinking feeling that Lord of the Rings ain't gonna go all the way tonight. (Orlando Bloom fan A.D. is about to throttle the TV for not showing any clips of him.)

And here's Sir Ian McKellen for
Foreign Film--staff bets are on Amelie. (The onscreen graphics are severely incorrect for these nominees.) No Man's Land wins--Cleolinda had feared (if you can "fear" that someone will be rewarded) that it might, as its profile has gone up a lot recently.

So now here's Annette Bening for Best Actor, Drama--
bets are on Russell for this one, but we're scared to make any predictions now. Ah--Russell Crowe wins. Only now Beautiful Mind lurches that much further into the Oscar-race lead. (Dammit, says Cleo in her bias.)

9:50.
WHAT THE F---??? STUPID F---ING LOCAL COMMERCIALS BROKE INTO THE SHOW--FOR FAULKNER F---ING CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY!!!!--AND WHEN THEY CUT BACK, RON HOWARD WAS GETTING UP TO ACCEPT A F---ING AWARD.

So we can only ASSUME that A Beautiful Mind won Best Drama. ASSUME. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

So now we're going off to update our predictions page with the winners--and flame our local affiliate. Come back tomorrow for Cleolinda's Playoffs column tomorrow with a round-up of who's lurched forward--and fallen back--in the Oscar race.