The Playoffs: The Golden Globes

1/20/02: The ceremony is nigh: we cover it in real time
(see our
staffers' predictions!)
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1/14/02: The Golden Globes will be on 7 pm DDT (Daily Digest Time, check your local listings) on NBC (check for local times), and there's red carpet coverage starting an hour earlier on NBC and, oh, let's say, five days earlier on E!. (Seriously.)

The Globes are fun because the ceremony's a dinner--you get all the celebs from one movie boozing it up at one table--and while the Globes are often a precursor to who'll win the Oscar, they're also just as wildly divergent a chance to reward people who won't. (Jim Carrey, anyone?)

So, for starters, we predict that Russell Crowe will show up and be less dour than he was this time last year, now that he has neither wannabe kidnappers nor Steve Martin on his ass (and if it's true that he and Jennifer Connelly have hooked up, look out for the Beautiful Mind table to be a very interesting place indeed). Nicole Kidman has said that she did rearrange her Dogville filming schedule and will be able to show up, and you had better believe she will put on her best f--- - you dress for the benefit of Tom 'n' Penelope watching at home. Cate Blanchett, already showing up at awards dinners--what, a month after the baby?--will also wear something fabulous, while the rest of her Lord of the Rings castmates desperately try to differentiate their various penguin suits with ill-advised personal touches (ah, men). David Lynch will definitely still be sporting that trademark Eraserhead shock of hair, and Ridley Scott will look gamely dour.

On with the show,
mes amis.

Reader Trink says, of Lord of the Rings, "Best Picture is my fervent hope... Certainly deserving, along with best director!!"

So what do you think? Talk back on our message board, or
email us with your thoughts.

5:00 pm. Enter Joan Rivers, in a new bid to be the most offensive person on television; after an ill-advised spew of hip-hop cultural phrases, she drawls "a shout out to Melicious Rivers." Melicious Rivers seems to shudder as she takes over on the other camera.

5:22. David Lynch shows up with his hair wet-combed down, neatly tuxed out. The Digest staff is shocked.

5.25. John Cameron Mitchell shows up, otherwise quite mild-mannered, in a scarlet tux and his hair combed into a 'hawk. The Digest staff is not shocked.

5:33. Tom Welling shows up to present. Friend of Digest Valerie tells us to say that he's preeeeetttty.

We are getting bored waiting for the pretty dresses to show up. Where's Nicole???

5:40. WHOA! Did you see Megan Mullally's dress? Or rather, Mullally IN that dress? We will post a picture if we can find it later...

5:45. We are torn about Debra Messing's's this massive bouquet of black chiffon. We think we like it...? (WHERE ARE THE MOVIE CHICK DRESSES?

5:50. Joan Rivers asks Portia de Rossi if she's going to have to cut the John Galliano dress (that she loved so much she bought) "short to give it a new life." De Rossi pauses, and you can see her desperately trying to formulate what the women of America are thinking right now: "WHY THE HELL CAN I ONLY WEAR IT ONCE??"

We also saw Jennifer Garner,
the current frontrunner for the Elektra role in Daredevil and the lead in TV's Alias; plus Melicious Rivers--sorry, Melissa--had a chat with Emily Watson, who ought to start filming (if she hasn't already) her role as Edward Norton's wife in the Red Dragon remake.

6:00. Joan just asked Andie McDowell if "she enjoys CSI, the show she's on." McDowell looks at Joan like she's on crack.

Sir Ian McKellen arrives, and five bucks says he will be the best dressed man there. (We've seen him on enough talk shows the last month to know that he is nothing if not a snappy dresser.) He says he'll be presenting Best Foreign Film.

Julianna Margulies arrives, in a refreshingly simple red dress. We want to give a shout out to her--she's here for The Mists of Avalon, which, to use the technical term, rocked.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, yeah, it's Nicole, baby! We're not so sure about her hair, and all we saw was strapless black, but this is the F--- You dress we've been waiting to see. And there's Ewan with his wife, we saw him... There's Nicole in a closeup. Ooh...(CHICK ALERT!) we're not sure about the hair. It's good hair. Don't get us wrong. We're just not sure it's Golden Globes hair. There's the, she's really kinda playing it low-key tonight. This isn't "F--- You," it's more of a "Gosh Darn."

6:10. There's the sixth shot of Jeremy Irons in as many minutes, milling around aimlessly. Somebody talk to the man, please?

Whoa! Sarah Jessica Parker is wearing a cameo portrait around her neck. Like, the actual, full-sized canvas.

There's Jeremy Irons again. Will somebody PLEASE talk to him? Sure, he looks like he needs a few trips to the Keith Richards Memorial Blood Bank, but the man is cool! Where's the respect?

6:14. We are so incredibly bored.

6:15. Okay, we're gonna risk flipping over to NBC--they kinda own this show's ass, so people may be more compelled to talk to them.

Speaking of Keith Richards, THERE'S STEVEN TYLER! We could be wrong, but this looks like a Globes first. You think he's there just to support Liv (and Lord of the Rings)? Can you IMAGINE sitting at the LOTR table tonight?

Dick Clark has cornered Ron Howard. We are trying not to growl, because movie partisanship is not nice. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)

(AngelDust says, apropos of nothing, "Heh heh...
you were on Happy Days.")

6:20. Myyyyyyyyyyy goodness me...Kate Hudson has left the front of her dress at home. It's still better than her Dolly Parton outfit at last year's Oscars. Didn't she win the Globe last year? So she'll probably present the Supporting to the guy this year.

(AngelDust says, of Andie McDowell's dress: "That makes you look like a hoss.")

And while we're thinking of it...they were just talking to newly-engaged Charlie Sheen and Denise Richard. Here's our question:
What does Charlie Sheen do for a bachelor party?

6:30. There's Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon. Yeah, why does have that Madonna-British accent? Must be coming off Gosford Park.

Cate Blanchett, as always, looks great... we think she was wearing some great embroidered Chinese-inspired blue pantsuit with turquoise earrings (look, it's hard to type and watch at the same time). We were going to say she was showing a scandalous lack of decolletage, then we remembered she just had a baby.
Rock on, Your Cateness.

"Kevin Spacey!" shouts AngelDust.
We have a great story about Spacey we're going to include on our upcoming Cleo Awards...

Naomi Watts from Mulholland Drive:
"Why is everyone and their mother Australian this year?" asks A.D. rhetorically.)

Sela Ward: Cleolinda says,
"What the hell was that?" It was some cherry-red dress with bows and tummy cut-outs...

Calista Flockhard: A.D. blurts out,
"Oh, my God, you're dying!"

Leelee Sobieski: While Cleo and A.D. have differing opinions on Leelee (yea and nay, respectively), we would like to know what ostrich she killed for the trim of her party dress.

Was that Sharon Stone over there in red?--No, it was--
Natasha Richardson? (And what's with the glut of red gowns this year? Could it be...scarlet fever?)

6:40. "Eh! Ehmenebedeh!" Whenever sisters Cleo and A.D. try to convey urgent messages, they lapse into nonverbal babbling. In this case, A.D. is trying to alert Cleo to the arrival of Elijah Wood, who looks apple-cheeked delicious as usual. Only, one thing
--"Boy, get a comb!"

Whew! Yahoo fritzed out on us for a minute and we nearly lost the page. We think we're okay now, though.

6:50. We think Tom Hanks just said it best: Networking is not what this evening's about; "This evening's about free drinks and shrimp cocktail." Amen.

Ah, it's Jen 'n' Brad, Brad 'n' Jen... (A.D.: "Brad's gettin' a little hairy there....")

Awwwwww, it's Russell, the Great Cranky Russell. He's been playing nice recently, as some E! pundits noted... Oh, there's Sissy Spacek, tastefully suited. We're thinking she's a clear shot to win Best Actress from here on out--the one thing we can count on in this crazy mixed-up awards season.
(And we have probably jinxed her by saying that. Sorry.)

Heh...turns out
Ben Affleck, currently taking over the Jack Ryan reins from Harrison Ford, will be presenting him the Cecil B. DeMille award. (No word if Ford is ready for his closeup.)

"THREE MINUTES TILL SHOW....THREE MINUTES TILL SHOW!" Hmmm...sounds like time for a fresh page.

Go to the main Golden Globes page for the latest.