The Tuxedo

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Inky: **1/2

Starring Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs

Rated: Rated PG-13 for action violence, sexual content and language.

Previews: Santa Clause 2, Harry Potter, Gangs of New York

I apologize if this review seems short, but I thought I should at least let you all know a little about how I feel about this film. What is there to say? A lot.

First of all, this flick disappointed me. There were parts where I laughed, and several parts where I cringed (they seriously marketed this before
Spy Kids 2 and on Nickelodeon?! This ain't a kid flick), but mostly, parts where I went: "That was really, really stupid and I knew that was coming." And I hate to do that. But I did.

Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. You have failed me! The Ruch Hours were so good! Shanghai Noon (what I've seen of it) was entertaining! Why? WHY? You sold out! And Jennifer has failed me too. Granted, I haven't seen
Heartbreakers. "Party of Five" sucked. I Know What You Did Last Summer was okay, but the sequel was crap. Yet, through it all, I still like you. You're appealing. You title your album "BareNaked." But you made this!

The Tuxedo has it's moments. The special effects are quite good, and the actors are better than the movie. Jason Isaacs, who was snubbed for an Oscar after his amazing and chilling performance in The Patriot, has managed to nearly destroy his career after making this and Sweet November, which was also snubbed in the nominations - of the Razzies. Also, the whole "spy thing" is irresistable in any movie, be it Spy Kids or True Lies. Let's face it, spy movies are - and always will be - fun to watch.

But that doesn't make them good!
The Tuxedo doesn't have one ounce of plot line. The screenwriters could've thought of a better one by putting random words together. Also, the finale just plain sucked - I totally agree with Mr. Typo on this one. Why, when J. Love has that whiny brat villain with the crap sideburns IN HER GRASP, does she give him the tuxedo? Why? Of course, we all know why. So he and Jackie Chan can fight! And then he gets his face stuck to the ground! And then he swallows thirty zillion water striders and shrivels up and dies (and the entire audience, me included, went "Eeeeeeeeewwww..." when that happened. Icky. Nightmares for a year.) Oh, and Jackie Chan has his own "power suit" as well! Isn't that sweet?

And then, in a disgusting display of promoting their star's sex appeal, the producers get three characters to talk about J. Love's "rack" (Would even James Brown say "I gotta tell you young lady, you got a niiiiiiiiice rack"? Wait - yeah he would.) They also get her to bend over, zoom in on her ta-tas, have a fight scene in a pool, seduce the villain, and pull her skirt up all the way to her waist (yeah, to get a gun. Whoo.)

To sum it up,
The Tuxedo is 50% glitz, 50% butt-kicking, and 100% stuuuuuupid. This is Inky, signing off, and reminding you to always get your pets spayed and neutered.
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