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Oscar Playoffs: The Golden Globes

1/25/04: The Ceremony

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Predictions

Globes / Oscars 2001-2003
Best Drama
The Hours / ----------
B. Mind / B. Mind (Best Picture)
Gladiator / Gladiator (Best Picture)


Best Comedy
Chicago / Chicago (Best Picture)
Moulin Rouge / ----------
Almost Famous / ----------


Best Director
Martin Scorsese / Roman Polanski
Robert Altman / Ron Howard
Ang Lee / Steven Soderbergh


Best Actor (Drama)
Jack Nicholson / Adrien Brody
Russell Crowe / Denzel Washington
Tom Hanks / Russell Crowe


Best Actor (Comedy)
Richard Gere / ----------
Gene Hackman / ----------
George Clooney / ----------


Best Actress (Drama)
Nicole Kidman / Nicole Kidman
Sissy Spacek / Halle Berry
Julia Roberts / Julia Roberts


Best Actress (Comedy)
Renée Zellweger / ----------
Nicole Kidman / ----------
Renée Zellweger / ----------


Best S. Actor
Chris Cooper / Chris Cooper
Jim Broadbent / Jim Broadbent
Benicio Del Toro / Benicio Del Toro


Best S. Actress
Meryl Streep / C. Zeta-Jones
Jennifer Connelly / Jennifer Connelly
Kate Hudson / Marcia Gay Harden


Best Screenplay
About Schmidt / Talk to Her, Pianist
B. Mind / Gosford, B. Mind
Traffic / Almost Famous, Traffic


Best Foreign Language Film
Talk to Her* / Nowhere in Africa
No Man's Land / No Man's Land
Crouching Tiger / Crouching Tiger


Best Score
Frida / Frida
Moulin Rouge / FOTR
Gladiator / Crouching Tiger


Best Song
U2 / Eminem
Sting / Randy Newman
Bob Dylan / Bob Dylan


* Was not submitted in the category. Was strong enough to win Best Screenplay, and probably would have won Foreign Film. 


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Welcome to the Golden Globes play-by-play! Full coverage starts at 6 pm Central Standard Time with the NBC arrivals show. The Globe ceremony itself starts at 7. Until then, we're just noodling around.

This page is going to get long. Use shift + F to search.

You may want to open this page again in a different window for the new tagboard, as this page will continue to update live (keep refreshing).

Update re: Tag Board: You'll need to refresh to see new comments. Sigh.

1:08 pm CST.
The E! crap started up about 11 am. I had it on for a while, but it was just woefully off-topic--"Let's have Dr. Drew talk about the trend of male hellraisers having kids and settling down (or not, har har har)!"  I haven't been speaking to E! ever since Steve Kmetko left, so I don't even know who half these people are. Blah blah blah, Crone and Melicious Rivers not on yet, blah blah blah.

The main thing we've gotten accomplished is that AngelDust--that's Sister Girl if you read my
Livejournal--came in, discovered what I was doing, and insisted on making her own predictions. On the same page as me. For fear that no one would read them otherwise. So please go read them.

3:36. Leon Hall is on--oh, God, are they talking about metrosexuals again?


























Also: Have updated links on sidebar. Yahoo and NBC are still correct; have replaced EW link with E! link. As soon as Yahoo gets some red carpet arrivals up, I'll post links to pictures.

4:01.
Holy Jesus, why is Richard Simmons out in the bleachers?

I am taking an administrative break.

All right, I'm back. They're talking with Dr. Drew again, this time about the rigors of women like Renee Zellweger and Charlize Theron having to gain weight for roles, etc., etc. And now they're talking about L'Oreal and makeup and something something something . . . can you tell I don't care? Is it showing? No? Good.

4:17. Todd Newton confirms that the red carpet will start up at 5 pm (my time, 45 minutes from now). "Juan" wants to know if current seasons of Friends and Sex in the City will be eligible for awards next year (they will be). Oh, and they mention where the final episode of SATC was shot. I've been so ostracized for blurting spoilers out before that I'm going to make you swipe just to find out the city: Paris.

"Jew-wells! Bling bling! Bawwwwbles!" Wow, it's like the Poor Man's Star Jones.

Richard Simmons is back, wailing in the bleachers. AngelDust looks up:
"Oh my God, that's not a woman." Richard lets out the most earsplitting, Ringwraith-worthy shriek ever. I fall out of my chair.

4:34. There are promises of red carpet arrivals. Liars! Still half an hour left! Oh, look, it's Carlos Bernard from 24. I have no idea who that is. Oh, he's nominated for something. Well, this is me being clueless about TV these days. Carlos Bernard says that he loves Lost in Translation. I am soooo booooored.

4:43. Ooo, apparently the LOTR people are on the way. OH GOD JOAN WHAT IS THAT AROUND YOUR NECK? She's got, like, a growth of emeralds on her chest. And Melissa looks like the lovechild of 1963 and 1997.

AngelDust is distressed that there are no nominations for ER.

This girl from 24 is wearing "gross prom sequins" in black, observes AngelDust. Nicky Hilton has taken the girl to go dress shopping. If this is the best Nicky Hilton can find for you, run screaming. Fortunately, she ends up with a pretty nifty cream/iridescent dress. Reiko Something. Oh, and there's a Queer Eye guy, blond (this ring a bell?) in a pink jacket. Oh, honey--I thought your job was to make people look good?

Some E! girl makes a joke about LOTR being "Lord of the Bling Bling" this . . . yaaaaaawn.

5:00. Dammit, I can't see the TV from here. I can crane my head and type blind or... dammit. Ooo, Diane Lane is pretteh in a pink-salmon strapless something with gorgeous pink-coral earrings. I say "something" because all too often someone looks great from the waist up on TV and then--you see the skirt. Or the "skirt."  There's Lisa Ling. Oh, and there's that Reiko Aylesworth person that Nicky Hilton managed to not make look look like an '80s nightclub reject. Reiko likes Lost in Translation.

Oh God, it's Joan. I do not ever want to hear Joan complain about anyone's outfit every again. She's wearing the most hideous fur-feather coat thing. She makes a tasteless joke about this week's deaths. It does crack me up that you can hear the crew laughing in the background. I remember them from Talk Soup, God bless 'em. Lame Paris Hilton joke. Lame Michael Jackson joke. Lame government joke--something about gays and a Pink Alert and "the department of Homo-Land Security." Lame Clay Aiken joke. Lame gerbil joke that is at least fifteen years old.
Wait--armed troops to invade Steven Cojocaru? I don't even know... or want to know. "Go get a sandwich! Go get a drink! Go take a pee, but stay with E!"

You know, it's still better than last year's jokes with the baby doll she kept dangling Michael Jackson-style.

Joan: "You know, I loved Rosie [O'Donnell] in Whale Rider."


Joan has corralled Shelley Morrison (Rosario on Will & Grace) OH MY GOD JOAN'S OUTFIT.
She's wearing, like, a mirrorball jacket. Holy God.

5:15. Commercial: Someone needs to put Kirstie Alley in the boobie hatch toute suite. (Insert your own joke about how Alley is the boobie hatch.)

Talking head traffic jam! Blonde talking head says the actor race is between Sean Penn and Ben Kingsley. I laugh into my tea. Not at the Globes, babe.
Famewhore principle. I promise you the HFPA didn't see House of Sand and Fog. I think Sean Penn could win on strength, but Jude Law or Tom Cruise could sneak in on prettiness. Of course, watch Kingsley win now. I do agree that this is Charlize Theron's award to lose at this point--Blondie says that Nicole Kidman has no chance, but the Globes do love her. I won't say she has no chance.

Ah, there's Stockard Channing, who has never won a Golden Globe, and is not nominated this year. Joan asks her what all she has won. Good God, Joan's jacket is superlatively  fug.

("Superlative Fug" is the name of my next band.)

Carlos Bernard gets trotted out again. Joan makes them switch over to her just to say that she got Tom and Nicole "drunk on Blue Nun" and they blabbed the reason their marriage fell apart. Except not. And then they go to commercial. The sad thing is, as lame as this is, it's at least irreverent. Who're we gonna have on NBC? Dick Clark and the Access Hollywood chick? I take two Aleve.

5:25. Commercial: Meg Ryan in the much-delayed Against the Ropes. I am not thinking this movie is going to be very good.

Commercial: Lipfinity and the makeup artist from Love Actually. I hate to break it to you, but no mere lipstick is going to make you look like Keira Knightley.

I WANT PRETTY! BRING ME PRETTY!

Yay! It's Dominic Monaghan! Yay! "Will there be a fourth?" (There's Jamie Lee Curtis, I think that was Evan Rachel Wood . . . ) Dom is being very gracious. I believe he is wearing a leather tux jacket. I didn't even know they made those. Given what Orlando Bloom usually shows up wearing, he looks quite sharp. He is alone, the tinhats will be sorry to hear.

Some blonde starlet in a pale peach Marilyn dress. I have no idea who this person is. Ah! 24!
Elisha Cuthbert? Very possible. She has a weird resemblance to a blonde Liv Tyler from the side. Ah, yes, The Girl Next Door coming out in March. There you go.

Joan makes a lame joke about the cast of Friends kicking Matt LeBlanc's ass, and the cameraman obligingly swoops around to make it look like a rumble. And . . .  commercial.

5:34. Kevin Costner--dammit, they're going too fast! Tony Shaloub, a starlet who may or may not be Evan Rachel Wood, I don't know--oo, someone from Angels in America. OH MY GOD, why was Justin Kirk not nominated? He was amazing! Not that this matters, but I'm stunned that he's straight. That's how good he was. Also, he got one of the $26,000 gift baskets. Okay, I'm not sorry for him anymore. Also, he got Melicious instead of Joan. Lucky, lucky man.

Joan has Anthony Minghella, his wife, and his son Max (who is going to be in some movie or other. It's on a newstracker update somewhere). I loved The English Patient unashamedly, so yay! Joan wants to know which movie was harder. Minghella says Cold Mountain, due to "the worst weather in Eastern European history."

Oh, hey! It's the girl from The Ring!
Amber Tamblyn! I know, I know, I'm the last person in America who calls her "the girl from The Ring." She looks great, and she brought her dad. I know Friend of Digest Valerie is rooting for her.

CSI people. AngelDust is making vanilla-strawberry parfaits. We have Freddy Rodriguez from Six Feet Under. AngelDust: "AHH!" Me: "Who dat? Who dat?" "I think it's--" "Naomi Watts?" "YES!" Except that we only have the back of her head. Here's Jamie Lee Curtis, who has a lovely snowflake necklace.
She is rearranging Joan's feathers like a good mommy.

So far, we've had readers from England, Germany, Sweden, and Scotland check in. How I thought I was going to handle a web page and a tagboard at the same time, I don't know.

5:50. "Who's that! Who's that!" "That's--!" "Sofia Coppola!" we shout together. I am getting whiplash. I'm going to fix a mirror to my CD tower or something so that I can see the TV behind me. This is sad. Ooo, I like Bonnie Hunt's dress. Simple, black, long sleeves/off the shoulder, but it looks great on her. We see Alec Baldwin and Brittany Murphy and "GIRL! GIRL! LOOK! WHO! LOOK!" I don't look in time. It's someone blonde. Commercial: Love Actually again.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS NICOLE KIDMAN WEARING? (Oh, and there's Peter Jackson.) Nicole has her hair up in this weird Minnie Mouse looking frizz and a gold dress slit down to there... with flesh mesh across the front. Honey. Go naked or go home.

They're talking to the cast of Monk. "TYRA! TYRA! TYRA!" shouts AD. Holy shit, there's Scarlet Johansson--I don't know why, but she looks like Pink. Her boobs have been hoisted up to her chin. There's Peter Jackson and Philippa Boyens. Evan Rachel Wood looks gorgeous. (Someone trashy-looking--Eva Mendes?--saunters by.) Evan's dress is a lovely dark-gray silk looking something with a ruffle. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are here;
Jessica is posing this way and that way with a Very Serious Face. She does look great, though. Christina Ricci is here with someone, I didn't catch. Ellen Burstyn looks good in a tangerine-orange. Oh... here's Hope Davis. She's lovely. White dress . . . not so lovely. But trying its damnedest.

My God, Nicole Kidman looks awful. Well, not awful-awful, but . . . it's just . . . I'm going to find pictures.

Lily Costner is this year's Miss Golden Globe. In case you don't remember, it's always a celeb's kid. I'm not being catty, that's what it is.

Oh God, Debra Messing looks like she just escaped from Dracula's castle. The people from The Office are already plastered. Sofia Coppola is in Joan's clutches now--simple black dress, smoky eyeshadow; competently dressed, not going to give anyone a run for their fashion money, but not going to embarrass herself either. Same for Christina Ricci--simple one-shoulder black dress, here with Adam Goldberg.

Melicious has attacked Richard Curtis and someone else from Love Actually. Pray for them. Oh! There's Sarah Jessica Parker! She's a rich medium brown brunette now, beautiful cascading curls, and her dress looks great--dude, was that Fergie over there? Joan's with Tyra. Elton John is scary-looking. Thank you God, a commerc--AHHH! It's after six! Shit! Shit! Must switch to NBC!

6:12. See? NBC is actually talking to SJP--holy God, she's got a knee-length poofy dress with a bow and a train. See what I told you about the skirt thing? Here's Kim Cattrall in some pink and silver Grecian looking thing. Ah, there's His Deathlessness Dick Clark.

Commercial: Something involving Lassie.
Lassie... doing bullet-time kung-fu. Uh. You know they're making a Lassie movie, right? I hope nobody gets ideas from this.

Here's Clint Eastwood. Nancy O'Dell is swearing a giant long-sleeved swath of pistachio satin. I want ice cream now. Uh, there's the Duchess of York, here to introduce Love Actually . . . ? Traffic jam over with Nancy--Jeff Bridges and the Michael Douglases. CZJ is wearing black--doesn't she always?--and looks very tasteful. Michael Douglas looks decrepit as always. Lisa Ling is gushing over Ken Watanabe.

6:24. Screams break out: It's Tom TOM!!! TOMMMMM!! WE LOVE YOU TOMMM! AND YOUR GIANT TOOTH TOM WE LOVE YOU!!!! While Molly Sims talks, I'm adding in picture links from Yahoo (look back up the page). Oh, God, here's Scarlett and here's Nicole. What. The. Hell.

Tom is here with his mother. Lisa Ling is trying not to pass out completely. With cinema we can break down barriers, yada yada, the white man will save the savage from himself, blah blah.

It's Charlize! Show her dr--whoa. It's kinda pale yellow and ruffled and slinky. Well, she's Charlize Theron, she can pull that off. Stuart Townsend is with her. You still owe me for League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Notagorn.
And why does Bill Murray look like Santa Claus? There's Kiefer Sutherland and here's Alicia Silverstone. I am going to need a break pretty soon.

6:44. Mary Louise Parker's dress is great, IMO. Renee came by and looked great in a slatish blue--there's Uma, I can't see her dress--crap, crap, the people are all coming in too fast! Arrrr! Inky says that Cate Blanchett came by and I didn't see her! Grrrrr.

Nancy lies to Nicole and says that she looks great. KEANU! Oo, that's a lovely periwinkle satin on Uma. Here's Renee--hmm, it's really more of a delphinium blue, with sparklies affixing black straps (I was about to say "rhinestones," forgetting the money these people have to throw around).

To answer the question going round on the tagboard, Max Minghella will be in something called
Bee Season. No word on his age.

6:56. Pant, pant, pant . . . have fixed plate of dinner, managed to see Johnny. Why does he still have streaks in his hair? Nancy is rooting for Cold Mountain. Lisa Ling says something about Johnny Depp's "handler" giving her a bruise. What?

7:00. Oh, what song are they going to maul this year?

Ah, the show starts. Not sure what Tom Cruise is laughing about. Maybe the fact that we're not him. Here's Meryl Streep with Best Supporting Actor--damn, we're moving fast. Who did I predict? Tim Robbins, that's right. He gets huge applause. I'm sayin'. Whoa, I just finally turned around and looked at Meryl, what the hell? And it goes to
Tim Robbins. One for me. Tim is either nervous or already drunk. Tim: "The good part about this coming early is that now I get to sit back and drink!"

Ah, there's the SATC xylophone. Wow, they're mostly pretty well dressed, the Sex girls. Best actor in a TV drama. William Petersen and Kiefer Sutherland get huge drunken applause.
Anthony LaPaglia wins for Without a Trace. Anthony: "Wow! Now I get to drink with Tim!" He has to go back to the mike when he remembers to thank the HFPA.  BOOZE!

Best actress in a drama: huuuge applause for
Frances Conroy. And she takes it. Ooo, nice gloves--gold. Very swank.

7:11. Melanie Griffith and Chris Cooper? Man, what'd Chris Cooper ever do to deserve this? Best supporting actress. Holly Hunter gets huge applause. But Renee Zellweger wins. Man, I don't even remember who I predicted now. Renee is breathless and gamely excited. I think she's used to winning this one.

7:14. Renee is still systematically thanking everyone she knows.

7:19. The Will and Grace cast is sooo drunk.

Here's Ellen DeGeneres . . . nice suit. She's here to present the Finding Nemo clip. And here's the presentation of Lily Costner as Miss Golden Globe, thereby definitively answering the question, "Which one's Kevin's wife and which one's his daughter?"

Comedy series: Huge laughs and applause for The Office.
The Office it is. I'm telling you, listen to the applause when they read the nominees: drunks never lie. The guy accepting: "I'm not from around these parts. I'm from a little place called England. We used to rule the world before you."

Here's Keanu Reeves and Uma Thurman--hey, why did Diane Keaton's jaw drop like that? I mean, Keanu looks good, but it's not like she's never seen the man before... Ooo, Angels in America is up for something. Best minseries/TV movie, it looks like. Wow, there's a lot of transgender movies going on here. Pan to various faces in the crowd, who all look stoned. Yay!
Angels in America wins! That was such an amazing movie. And Al Pacino looks like he's been on a three-day bender. Brush your hair, man!

Keanu and Uma are back with best actress in a TV movie/miniseries. Hmm. Judy Davis is in this category. Fear the award-winning powers of The Judy, man. Ah, but there's
Meryl Streep for Angels in America, I had forgotten. She was very good as Ethel Rosenberg. Meryl: "Thank you! . . . I just realized that you can see completely through my dress. So I'm standing with them . . . together now." She also thanks her agent "because Tim Robbins forgot to thank his agent!" She thanks all the other actors and the "searingly gifted" Tony Kushner. It's a nice speech.

7:38. Commercial. People mill and people schmooze. Back to commercial.

Ellen Burstyn is here to present the Cold Mountain clip. Hey, I thought I put down a ban on use of the phrase "one of the greatest battle sequences ever filmed." Oh, and I am not particularly impressed with Nicole's Southern accent. Nor Jude's. Ooo! It's Cate! And I do so like her dress! She is pregnant, after all. It's a lovely ruby red. The hair . . . eh, it's almost there. She always has fab jewelry, though--love the chandelier earrings. Blah blah blah HFPA suit blah blah giving something back to the community. Twinkly music plays in the background. For a full minute, we're stranded in a Sally Struthers Feed the Children commercial.

Tyra Banks and Matt LeBlanc (the announcer says his name like he's mildly surprised). Actress, TV comedy.
Sarah Jessica Parker wins--wow, I wrote two separate replies on the tagboard and she still isn't at the stage yet. Here we are. She seems flusterdrunk. Keeps shaking her head and waving her hand, can't finish a sentence--hell, she can barely start one. Okay, I can live with the dress from the front.

Here's Christina Ricci all by her onesies to present the Big Fish clip--ahhh, the Tim Burton connection, that's it.

Here's Ice Cube and Ashton Kutcher. They are both producers. The fourth horseman is nigh, y'all. Supporting actor in anything ever put on TV in 2003: yikes, three nominees from Angels alone. It goes to
Jeffrey Wright (I had a feeling). Hee: "Thanks to my fellow nominees Ben Shenkman and Patrick Wilson, I share this with you . . . but I'll keep it at my house."

7:55.
Oh, Lord, here's Robin Williams. Oh dear, he's here for Master and Commander. All he has to do is say "English seamen." Doesn't even have to say a punchline. And then he says something about the sea being "cold, cruel, wet--just like Paris Hilton."

Oh, Richard Gere. How did you end up in a movie with J. Lo? Actress, comedy: big applause for Scarlett. Bigger for Diane Keaton (uh oh). Poor Helen Mirren, she doesn't get much. Come on . . . aw, hell,
Diane Keaton won. "I can't imagine anyone but Scarlett Johansson winning," sez I. Yeah, yeah. Hush. Diane is all over her director, Nancy Meyers. Also: she is so drunk. And I have no idea what she's wearing, only that it is totally, completely white.

Renee's up with supporting actor... Johnny gets huge applause, but Bill Murray gets more. Uh oh. And
Bill Murray takes it. This could throw a serious wrench into the Best Actor race. "You can all relax," he says, "I fired my agent several months ago. My physical trainer killed himself. And I would thank the folks at [something something], but there are so many folks trying to take credit for this that . . . I wouldn't know where to begin." Roar from the audience. Yay, shoutout for The Life Aquatic! Which Cate Blanchett is also in.  Aww, and he is very sweet to Sofia. And now he's thanking the other nominees . . . "but all too often, our dramatic actors are forgotten. Without them, where would our war movies, our psychological dramas be?" Big laugh. For some reason, the camera is dead on a laughing Johnny Depp for much of this.

Man, I biffed that whole category.

8:11. I'm back! I'm back! Antonio Banderas presented the Bend It Like Beckham clip because apparently at one time in his life he, too, played football. And 24 has made off with best TV drama. Crowd goes drunk--I mean, wild.

Here's Jennifer Aniston in a black dress that's trying to be daring but really just sort of comes off blah, IMO. Best actor, comedy. Hey, I think I just saw Howard Shore--awesome, it goes to
Ricky Gervais, that guy from The Office. Much hooting and hollering from the audience. "Michael Douglas!" he says, pointing. "This is ridiculous!"

8:20. Elijah! Yay! And Brassy just went to bed! Just missed him! And his suit . . . is made of velvet! Green velvet . . . dude. He presents the ROTK montage.

Queen Latifah and Gwen Stefani here to present the musical categories--huge cheer for
Howard Shore . . . and for Hans Zimmer. . . but Shore takes it for ROTK. And he looks sharp, too--a lot of times behind-the-scenes types show up looking like they don't know how to dress themselves. He thanks Peter Jackson, Annie Lennox, James Galway, Ben del Maestro, and several New Line suits. Poor guy seems very nervous.
Best Song. I still can't believe that Eddie Vedder did a song for Big Fish. I have Sting down for this one, but I'd like to see the
Annie Lennox song win--and it does. Much cheering from the LOTR table. Oh, hey, it's Fran Walsh! I totally thought she was Philippa Boyens. Anyway, she wrote the lyrics, but she's famously rather shy, so she bats her eyelashes at Howard Shore while he accepts and--aww, now she's dedicating it to the late Cameron Duncan, a young filmmaker the Jacksons were friends with.

8:31. Eh. Nicolas Cage. Not my favorite actor. But he's here to present a clip from Lost in Translation, his cousin's movie.

Jennifer Lopez comes out. I have no idea why the camera cuts to Tom Cruise. Best screenplay, here we are. I can't even remember who I predicted. I would like to mock J. Lo's pronunciation of "Helgeland," but I'm not sure
I have it right. And . . . Sofia Coppola wins. Well, in all fairness, I did say I didn't know and picked Mystic River out of a hat, seemingly.

God, I am tired. I just remembered why I don't recap the Oscars.

Justin Kirk and Eva Mendes. Yay Justin Kirk! Best supporting actress who appeared on anything relayed by a cathode tube: half the Sex ladies, Megan Mullally, and
Mary-Louise Parker, who takes it. Yay Angels in America! Also: her breasts? I totally do not remember them looking like that in her nude scene. . . Ahhhh, a friend of hers apparently bet her $1000 to thank her newborn son "for making my boobs look so good in this dress. GET OUT YOUR CHECKBOOK!" That explains so much.

Comercial:
50 First Dates. I liked the script, what can I say?

8:42. Danny DeVito: "I've known Michael Douglas longer than . . . some men's wives have been alive." Ooo, burrrrrn. Douglas laughs. Then there's some joke about growing up to be both an actor and a gynecologist that I don't want to think about too long.  Oh, hey, this is the Memorial Award of Achievement in Excellence? Awesome, it's break time!

Wow, Sharon Stone is coherent this year. Mark it on your calendars. Awww, Michael Douglas gives a really sweet shoutout to Karl Malden, with whom he apparently used to do TV, the first guy who ever said, "Hey, buddy boy, come up here" out of the second-fiddle soft focus. That's really sweet. I think that was Malden in the audience, actually. Aww, the whole thing was sweet--he thanked his children and Catherine Zeta-Jones and it was all very nice. Particularly since it afforded me a chance to get a drink and some ice cream.

9:02.
Okay, the Donald Trump commercial about him "buying Thursday" for his TV show is funnier than it has any right to be. Partly because I think he really could do it.

Whoa, Susan Sarandon is also in that J. Lo remake of Shall We Dance? Yikes. Oh, and of course she comes to present the Mystic River clip.

Now we have Dustin Hoffman. You know the one thing I will say for Hoffman is that he always dresses competently. He never comes out looking like an ass. Oh, here we go, director. Goodly applause for
Peter Jackson--folks sound tired, but definitely the loudest of all, and--PJ takes it. Much rejoicing chez Digest. (On the tagboard, someone has signed in as "fran" : "Yay us!" I do not know if this is coincidental or . . . what.) God bless him, but you know what they should invent for him down at Weta? An effect that actually makes his hair look combed. Aww, he thanks the other nominees, too, although I was afraid for a moment he was going to forget to go further than "Sofia and Clint."

Y'all, I'm running out of space.

Ooo, Brittany Murphy's dress is a good one. And there's Barbra Streisand next to James Brolin (nominated for the Reagan miniseries). We're on best actor in a TV whatever . . . "Mommy"? Reagan calls Nancy "Mommy"? That's sick, y'all. Hmm, I think Al Pacino will win. AngelDust seems to be rooting for Tom Wilkinson . . . and
Al Pacino takes it. Has Angels in America lost anything yet? Well, awards in which cast members beat other cast members, I guess. Pacino rambles endlessly, then there's something about his daughter laughing at him in the audience, and Jack Nicholson, and . . . "I'm just gettin' started!" And you know they won't dare play Pacino off the stage. Aww, his twins are three years old today. Please sit down and celebrate that, won't you? There you go. Thank you.

9:22. And . . . here's the Duchees of York. Wow, her voice sounds really stagy--she pauses way too long, and in all the wrong places, by she's got a lot of stage presence. And she's presenting the clip for Love Actually. Why it is set to the Pointer Sisters' "Jump," I could not tell you.

Here's Nicole back with best actor. And they cut to a smiling, clapping Tom! He is a good actor. And a smiling Renee, who can afford to be gracious at this point. Ooo, Jude Law gave her the eyebrow. Yeah, go on telling me they never did it. Sure, I believe you. And
Sean Penn wins. And he is not present--"You're not Sean!" cries Nicole as Clint Eastwood comes up to accept. Naturally he is not present, so Clint goes on to sing his praises for him.

         Brett: Can you imagine if Tom Cruise had won?

          Cleo: Heh.


Five bucks says that Charlize is going to win actress, and that Jack Nicholson tries to cop a feel.

9:30. When. Will. This. Show. End? I mean, I have it easy compared to the Oscars, but I've been typing steadily since 4:30.

Here's Jeff Bridges to present the Seabiscuit clip. Watch this come back to bite me in the ass, but I really feel like Seabiscuit is the make-weight nominee this year. It just doesn't feel like it has the heft of the other four. I don't know.

And here's Pierce Brosnan. We haven't done foreign film yet, have we? Hmm. I guessed Barbarian Invasions. I honestly have no idea. Wow, it goes to
Osama. I wasn't expecting that. This says to me that the voters actually saw the film (or were bribed outright), rather than using the "Huh, I didn't see any of these. I like that title" method of the Academy voters. Because, let's face it--nobody's voting for "Osama" going by title alone.

And here's Jack Nicholson. Y'all, stop feeding the man's ego. He can barely get his head through the door as it is. I still can't get over Nicole's headband. Huge cheer for Scarlett--also for Charlize. I dare say an even bigger cheer. This is promising. And
Charlize Theron nabs it. If she doesn't win Best Actress, it'll be through sheer skullduggery at this point. Heeee. She seems to be all right, and then she lets out a huge shriek and startles Jack. "I'm from a farm!" She begs the musicians to let her have a little more time--you know, I thought it was pretty much a rule that you let the big stars talk. They quietly start playing in the background, and then the music starts welling up louder. The effect is that of a perfectly scored movie. C'est Hollywood.

9:45. Jim Carrey: "Thank you. I like you too." Whoa, he is totally bald. This is what happens when you listen and don't watch--I didn't even notice until he said something about it. So, here we are, best comedy: I have Finding Nemo down. "And the winner is: Elf!" Uh. Whoa, Lost in Translation wins. I don't know why we didn't see this coming, but . . . wow, it seems to be a stronger contender than we realized.

Some guy in the audience: "SOFIA!"

Commercial: Average Joe. Awww, poor widdle hot guy, average joes make him cwy.

9:52. Man, what rock has Leonardo DiCaprio been under?

AngelDust: "Did you
see how Elijah was eyeing him?"

Here we go, best drama. And it goes to . . .
Return of the King. Everyone's on stage. Even hugely pregnant Cate.  Elijah and Dom are standing determinedly apart. I'm just saying. Hee, PJ thanks Harvey Weinstein "for your support in the beginning." You know, a little sacrifice at the altar of Jabba the Weinstein . . . and Elijah sweeps Dom up into a big hug. You only think I'm kidding. Their sekrit love, it cannot be hidden!

All right . . .wow, we took a five minute commercial break just so we could come back and have Leo tell us goodnight? Yes. Yes, we did. Anyway, the tagboarders are saying goodnight, and the announcer mentions that Bravo will rerun the entire show later this week. I'll have to watch it, seeing as how I only
heard most of what happened. Good night, and don't forget to hit the blog for Oscar nominations early Tuesday!